I'm a highly empathetic person. I had a difficult teenagerhood, struggling to deal with depression and chronic pain. What I looked to to help me was television. It inspired me, and in it I found kindred spirits, both in my fellow nerds and in fictional characters.
I've always related to characters who are just a little broken. Maybe I'm a little bit of a drama queen, but I've been through some hard shit, and sometimes I feel like I'm not right, like I was built wrong.
There are a few characters I've always really loved because I felt that in some way, they were me.
Tamsin from Lost Girl is deeply important to me, despite the fact that her personality sometimes seemed to change depending on who was writing her. She started out as the bad guy and then became part of the team, a friend. And then, she got her heart broken by Bo. When I watched this show, I was in the middle of pining for a straight girl. I felt Tamsin's pain viscerally when Bo played with her affections (or accidentally hurt her, but honestly how oblivious can a woman really be?) I wanted to hug her, and tell her that everything would be okay. I wanted someone to do the same for me.
The way Tamsin's story ended left me furious. Death by rape baby has to be the worst possible way to go. I don't care that the show called it her "rising", there was nothing happy about that moment. Tamsin deserved happiness, not an untimely end.
Helena Wells from Warehouse 13 is my favorite character from anything, ever. This may be because of actress Jaime Murray, but quite a lot of it has to do with her storyline. She's a woman who feels so much pain from the death of her daughter that she conspires to end the world. She stares the woman she loves in the face and finds herself unable to kill her, and thus the world. She spends the next season finding redemption.
I'm about to tell you something mildly disturbing. If you're triggered by non detailed accounts of suicide, please don't read. I was an incredibly depressed teenager. I was born with chronic pain, and I haven't always dealt with it well. When I was thirteen I had my first suicide attempt. I conspired to end my world. I've dealt with the guilt from that and subsequent attempts for a good part of my life. I feel the burden of having hurt my family and friends. I guess I look at Helena's attempt to end the world as a very big suicide attempt. I can sympathize.
But what gives me hope about her is that she does move past it. She STOPS. She doesn't shoot Myka and she doesn't end the world. She moves on, and she tries to help the Warehouse agents fight Walter Sykes. And although she dies in that final battle, it is a sacrifice and not a suicide. She dies for other people, she doesn't hurt other people. And then, of course, because this is a fantasy show, she comes back. I'm very used to my favorite characters dying, so it's such a treat when they come back from the dead.
Then there's Cosima Niehaus. Now I actually haven't kept up with Orphan Black's 4th season, although I mean to at some point. Season 3 was deeply disappointing to me. The plot just didn't seem as tight, and once again the specter of Bury Your Gays entered the picture. Although it turns out the Delphine is alive now, so as said I will be coming back to the show. But Cosima has always really grabbed me. She's this incredibly intelligent woman who makes some truly terrible choices (in what world is it a good idea to get romantically involved with your monitor?) and who has to deal with a terminal illness. I am not terminal, but I have lived with chronic pain all my life. For much of my life, people have tried to make choices for me. Cosima's words, "my biology my decision" really resonate with me. I have spent enough time having other people make my medical choices for me.
I like to think that I carry with me a little piece of all of these characters.
Lesbian and Bisexual Characters I Empathize With A Little Too Much
Tamsin from Lost Girl is deeply important to me, despite the fact that her personality sometimes seemed to change depending on who was writing her. She started out as the bad guy and then became part of the team, a friend. And then, she got her heart broken by Bo. When I watched this show, I was in the middle of pining for a straight girl. I felt Tamsin's pain viscerally when Bo played with her affections (or accidentally hurt her, but honestly how oblivious can a woman really be?) I wanted to hug her, and tell her that everything would be okay. I wanted someone to do the same for me.
The way Tamsin's story ended left me furious. Death by rape baby has to be the worst possible way to go. I don't care that the show called it her "rising", there was nothing happy about that moment. Tamsin deserved happiness, not an untimely end.
Helena Wells from Warehouse 13 is my favorite character from anything, ever. This may be because of actress Jaime Murray, but quite a lot of it has to do with her storyline. She's a woman who feels so much pain from the death of her daughter that she conspires to end the world. She stares the woman she loves in the face and finds herself unable to kill her, and thus the world. She spends the next season finding redemption.
I'm about to tell you something mildly disturbing. If you're triggered by non detailed accounts of suicide, please don't read. I was an incredibly depressed teenager. I was born with chronic pain, and I haven't always dealt with it well. When I was thirteen I had my first suicide attempt. I conspired to end my world. I've dealt with the guilt from that and subsequent attempts for a good part of my life. I feel the burden of having hurt my family and friends. I guess I look at Helena's attempt to end the world as a very big suicide attempt. I can sympathize.
But what gives me hope about her is that she does move past it. She STOPS. She doesn't shoot Myka and she doesn't end the world. She moves on, and she tries to help the Warehouse agents fight Walter Sykes. And although she dies in that final battle, it is a sacrifice and not a suicide. She dies for other people, she doesn't hurt other people. And then, of course, because this is a fantasy show, she comes back. I'm very used to my favorite characters dying, so it's such a treat when they come back from the dead.
Then there's Cosima Niehaus. Now I actually haven't kept up with Orphan Black's 4th season, although I mean to at some point. Season 3 was deeply disappointing to me. The plot just didn't seem as tight, and once again the specter of Bury Your Gays entered the picture. Although it turns out the Delphine is alive now, so as said I will be coming back to the show. But Cosima has always really grabbed me. She's this incredibly intelligent woman who makes some truly terrible choices (in what world is it a good idea to get romantically involved with your monitor?) and who has to deal with a terminal illness. I am not terminal, but I have lived with chronic pain all my life. For much of my life, people have tried to make choices for me. Cosima's words, "my biology my decision" really resonate with me. I have spent enough time having other people make my medical choices for me.
I like to think that I carry with me a little piece of all of these characters.
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